The Little Boss (who is my boss, vs. the BIG Boss, who is the Little Boss's Boss) stopped by my office just now with a thoughtful little gift for xmas. Home For The Holidays: A Survival Kit. This dandy little kit contains:
1. A flask (Woo!)
2. Ear Plugs (ear plugs have rescued me from many anger inducing situations)
3. A Survival Guide containing common family holiday 'situations' and how to handle them.
4. 10 flash cards containing excuses to use to leave family holiday gatherings early (I cannot WAIT to read these - hello, Queen of the Excuse!)
Excuses to leave a family function early:
1. I'm under house arrest and need to get back before my parole officer finds out I'm gone.
2. My insurance won't authorize the additional therapy sessions that I'll need after this.
3. I ate Aunt Edna's dessert and now I feel that I may see it again.
4. Oh this? The doctor said it's highly contagious, but the rash only lasts a month or so.
5. I forgot to set the TIVO for the 80's teen flick marathon on TV tonight.
6. I'm leaving the country for unspecifiable reasons.
7. I've been downloading illegal music onyour computer and I have to split before the cops show up.
8. Ellis Island called: you're not my real family.
9. Uncle Fred is on the roof and the neighbors are starting to stare out their windows.
10. I just sobered up and realized where I am.
Speaking of sobering up....after reading the little survival guide, I have decided the top 2 gifts to give are as follows:
1. Alcohol - This is a no-brainer. If you bring alcohol, it will inevitably be opened at the party, and voila, you get to reap the benefits of your own gift.
2. Lottery Tickets - Another no-brainer. Pros: They're cheap, can be found at the local liquor store (where you'll be stopping anyways), and everyone knows the unspoken rule that the giver gets half of whatever the recipient wins. Once again, you get to reap the benefits of your own gift!
This gift from the Little Boss has renewed my faith that I will get through this holiday season unscathed with my new bag of tips and tricks ;-)
5 comments:
I must (repeat MUST) own one of these. It's brilliant, snarky & true all rolled up into one.
My fav excuses:
I'm under house arrest and need to get back before my parole officer finds out I'm gone.
*
I'm leaving the country for unspecifiable reasons.
*
I just sobered up and realized where I am.
Sounds like your boss is pretty awesome.
This? Is why we live 1000 miles away from our nearest relatives!
S2 - It's great isn't it!? I am ALL about the snark :) My favs are:
My insurance won't authorize the additional therapy sessions that I'll need after this.
I just sobered up and realized where I am.
Lori - LOL! THIS, is why I am eternally greatful Christmas comes only once a year ;-)
What a great gift idea!! I could always use new and innovative excuses.
Also, I love the tinsel teeth shots you took!
So, now I will await a pic of the new hair/brow color!
The 'tinsel teeth' make me feel 10 years younger. Kinda funny. I certainly don't recommend it for all people who are looking for a fountain of youth, but surprisingly, it has worked for me :-)
My hair/brow color is fairly subtle - a little darker and more of a burgundy color. It turned out well though. I am pleased! Hopefully I'll get some good pics over the holidays 2 share. I took some with my Blackberry this morning, but I look like a zombie :-)
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